hundred & four

It’s consumed me. And I can’t even get words out anymore. It’s hilarious how I could write so much about the hurt I was bound to feel when I genuinely thought I was happy with you. And now that all that pain has surfaced and it’s my new reality I can’t even define it. I can’t even come to terms with the situation I predicted before you even proved to be the person I didn’t want you to be. I’m always ten steps ahead of the moment I’m in until there’s nowhere else to run and all I have is the whisper of yesterday to haunt my tomorrow. 

hundred & three

The three of us laid on the bed. Staring at the fan circulate cold air on our sobering skin. Not too long ago we were awakening from long nights of living vicariously through the story lines we gave our Barbies. We only have our own stories now. How did that one play date end? Why did that one play date end?

hundred & two

Words are coming out me again and I finally feel like I can breathe. It’s like every word typed is a breath and every complete poem is the reason for it. 

hundred & one

Sometimes I wish I’d let things harden me. It seems rather peculiar that I allow myself to be wrapped in the same cloths that smothered me time and time again. It’s a strange thing, being addicted to the addiction.

one-hundred

All in good time, dear girl. One day, you'll awaken to the sweet peace of resilience. You'll look about the world sans the dark skies and sans the harsh rains. You'll make peace with the daylight and as you learn to love the sun, you'll learn to love yourself.

ninety-nine

As your fingers find their way under a different chin and your lips find their way to a different neck, I whisper my goodnight to you from miles away hoping that the ghost of my words find their way into your heart.

ninety-eight

My question to you, then, though it’s been asked before, is how can you miss something that was never yours? How do you define a betrayal of someone who never claimed you? How do you let go of a moment you never had? And how, how in the world, do you learn to build walls when you live in vulnerability?